¨Understanding how my partner works
Proverbs 23: 7
Introduction: most of the ruptures in couples' relationships are caused because we do not know how our mind and organism work.
After four years 70% of couples become friends.
And 50% of couples break up. How could this happen.
1. Neural functioning in the stages:
Infatuation: the relationship. as a couple this stage lasts between one to two years
Passionate love: normally lasts two years
Consolidation: here the marriage is strengthened if not consolidated they will fail.
At the neuronal level, the stage of infatuation is the stage of butterflies in the stomach, there are areas of our brain that are activated and areas that are deactivated.
Among the areas that are deactivated is the prefrontal cortex, it is responsible for reasoning, so it is very difficult to make a brain in love see reason, there is no reason, the ability to reason is deactivated, and the three regions that are responsible for fear ( Amygdala, midbrain, dorsolateral) those three regions are also disconnected.
When we are in love it is very normal that we are not afraid of
lifetime.
The zones that are activated have to do with a system called limbic that has to do with emotions and this is what the love cocktail does. (little butterflies in the stomach)
In this system are human instincts, involuntary memory, hunger, attention, sexual instincts, emotions (pleasure, fear, aggressiveness).
A person in the infatuation stage will secrete serotonin, it is a chemical substance that transmits signals between the nerves, it works as a neurotransmitter, it is considered the chemical substance responsible for keeping our state of mind in balance. Lack of serotonin will lead to depression. (If there is depression, passion is lost).
The mind is the boss in love and not the heart. (because many separate because they never forget) (1. Cor. 2:16 If my mind is governed by Christ, my marriage will be different)
The lungs pump air, the heart pumps blood, the brain pumps thoughts).
When a man is obsessed with his wife, that neuron is elevated, it is not normalized. When that neuron is lowered, depression occurs.
A man in love is detailed, because his brain and its chemical composition predispose him to it.
Oxytocin: it is the hormone of love and trust, in the second stage of love we look for trust, to trust the person who is next to us, it is where we begin to see the good things and bad things of our partner, when a partner a bad start in the early years that past can cost you your relationship or life-long problems related to the past.
Isaiah 43: 18-20 that scientists say that says: God in his word.
Where the relationship is consolidated: approximately 12.5% remain in love like the first day, but 87% do not because we do not know how our mind and body work.
If I understand myself, it will be much easier to understand why she does what she does. Not from the standpoint of manipulation.
Emotions are not designed to be manipulated but to be felt. Emotions make us feel like compasses give us direction.
Everyone has an idea of their partner, but we also have reality.
This is where jealousy comes in, which can truncate the infatuation zone, a jealous person his brain works like a baby person, studies show that a baby can show jealousy When a new baby brother comes to the family.
Jealousy is in different ways, men imagine their partner with another person in intimacy, and this produces effects that increase the neuron cortisol, adrenaline and the heart rate accelerates and stresses the man, however in the Woman stress manifests itself when she imagines her husband in love with another woman.
The interpretation of images is different, between the real and the imaginative, between the imaginative and the happy with my reality.
Jealousy has the ability chemically to cut off the infatuation stage.
When a pregnancy occurs in the infatuation stage, the woman's brain changes, she automatically prepares to be a mother and that is where she stops being a wife and feels more like a mother.
That does not happen in the man, the man is pope by experience until he sees the child (many marriages here go into crisis, he wants it, she does not, she thinks about the child) understanding and communication must enter here.
The memory hippocampus, becomes more efficient in women, she remembers dates of birth, recognizes it wherever she is.
The mother is connected to the child. And it plays a big influencing role.
Now let's look at this other example. (use of number 9)
We do not all think the same, the thought comes according to our experiences of what we have lived of something.
Inside the brain there is a module called the interpreter. The brain is divided into two hemispheres, (left) the interpreter has a single objective to propose coherent thoughts, consistent with that, with three things,
With my past, my experience (life), my future expectations.
The interpreter makes proposals to me to live a life situation.
Many marriages have not achieved happiness because of this, their interpreter stayed living in the past and associates his current partner with the one from the past, or almost never agrees because they see things differently, that she is right does not mean that you don't have it, but we can agree.
A person, place, a date, etc. .. cannot make me feel or associate it with the past provided by an experience.
The thought is a proposal from my interpreter. That I can use, is not.
It's true that your partner is doing one or the other to you.
If your partner is shy and suddenly starts talking like never before, his interpreter will say something wrong with him (that you liked, and that you let go today).
That is not true, it is a Possibility, it is not that she or the change is an issue interpreter.
There is no point wasting time wanting to change the other (partner).
Don't forget: The lungs pump air, the heart pumps blood, the brain pumps thoughts).
If what I think does not come from you, then I must not change you. (Divorce) let's just educate our brain.
How I educate my brain. 2. Corinthians 2:11 doesn't want to see you fulfilled.
All those thoughts that are not useful, the brain will throw them away, it will not propose them again, which means not using a thought, it is not paying attention to it, attention is the tool to tell the brain this is useful and this is not it is. You think you feel it or you don't feel it you decide. 2 Corinthians 10: 5
What if the brain interprets this way, it is because you feel it. To educate the brain is to glorify Christ in our relationship.
Know how your brain works and don't sacrifice your relationship
Does that thought help me to have a good time with my partner? If it doesn't serve you, throw it away. The mental only the E.S. God can correct it, it cannot enter your brain, there is only someone who can let it enter, it is Christ.
An anger is not a failure, many count its relationship with the number of anger, because his interpreter brings that to the present every time there is an argument. We are going to leave because we only live angry, that cannot be your reality, educate your brain. All couples have discrepancies and differences.
What you feel does not come from your partner, it comes from what you are thinking about her. Not everything we interpret is like this.
You want to be happy, practice honesty, speak with the truth and not with lies, be whole, not malicious.
The brain does not have a concrete aria for trust, it uses the same aria for fear. Fear is generated when there is a neural proposal.
The first experience we give will be very decisive in our relationship.
Fear produces strong stress, and diseases, the main cause of death is cardio, and they are produced by unnecessary accelerations.
Do not use thoughts that do not serve you, send them away.
What do I expect from my partner? But where am I with my partner?
We have never truly related to our partner, because we have been guided by our interpreter and not by the E.S. of God and not by the word of God.
If you do not make decisions from today that will improve your relationship in all areas, you will not be happy, you will have a partner, but not a wife, friend, not a woman who loves you. They will be two and not one, they will live outside of God's design, God wants us to be one.
Genesis 2:24
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